Why Do We Compare Boys and Girls?

Not long ago I was listening to an interview, it was an author discussing how to raise strong girls. Of course, my ears perked up like an eager bunny but instead, it left me motivated to write because the author was encouraging us to treat our girls more like boys. 


Boys and girls share traits, they are human and born for a unique purpose that needs to be nourished, not compared.

We cannot make a ‘better' girl by making her more like a boy and the reverse is also true. Why do we say such things? Because that’s what we are taught! Unless we become conscious of what we truly want for our family, and chose to live in search of that goal, then we might fall prey to the agenda of other people. That does not make the world a better place, it keeps us in bondage.

Boys and girls are beautiful by themselves, each unique with a variety of strengths and gifts. Yes, the abilities of each will be seemingly slanted toward our understanding about boys or girls.  But this is why we must learn to raise our children to be the best ‘them’ they can be, regardless of whether the traits reflect traditional girl or boy behavior. 

There is so much stereotypical expectation in our society. Many times, I think it leads us dim our own light (for fear of being too manly, not girly enough, to too this or that) and that is a mistake.

It’s time to stop comparing boys and girls and raise our children to be the best version of themselves! This takes a special parent, because we tend to use our own understanding to mould our children in to what we hope will be successful adults. This is why we must have a plan. 

Without a plan, we may revert to our subconscious thinking, which often does not reflect what we truly want, it is simply an antiquated program of things that worked for our survival in childhood and that we never changed in adulthood.

Our actions reflect our beliefs, or, our lack of direction.

Our actions reflect our subconscious and conscious beliefs, or, our lack of direction. If we are constantly arriving at places we don’t want to be, a white flag from our deepest places is asking us to look deeper.

If we are not where we want to be in our own life or our family life, our current actions will not lead us into a better version of ourselves.  We must first look to our beleifs and since little eyes are always watching, our kids are learning that same incongruent behavior (I want this - but I do this - that leads me away from what I say I want).

Every client I coach or mentor is facing incongruence in their thinking. I do it too. We WANT this but we do things that lead us away from it. And then we feel badly because we didn’t succeed. 

We do want our kids to be strong and capable, so let’s begin to look at what we say and how we act, because what we do reflects our true inner belief. We may WANT girls to be capable of kindly stating their needs, but do we groom that?

This is important because it matters not what we want, it matters more that we are moving forward. If we want kind interaction, we are going to have to actually do it.

Yeah, it’s work. 

No, we won’t always be met with the same kindness, or clarity, but that’s why life is a journey. 

We get better at things we put effort into. So today I want you to decide what you want to be better at, or what you want your kids to learn in life, and make your every move be in the direction of that goal.

In the case of the author leading us to treat our girls more like boys, I’d rather that we treat all our children with compassion and with a will to nourish their spirit to be the best that they can be. This will mean manly girls, and girly boys to some, but instead, I encourage us to move toward fully living in the compassion of knowing that these are simply human traits and each of us reflects those traits in a way that is unique to us, and necessary for our journey on this earth. It’s time to stop comparing boys and girls, and start encouraging them.

It’s time to stop comparing boys and girls, and start encouraging them.

I’d like to help you with that.

Grab a piece of scrap paper and at the top of your page, write the end goal for you or your family. If you know it right away, spend the week looking at that end goal and consciously thinking about whether your daily actions are contributing to that end goal, or bringing you away from it?

If you don’t have an end goal on paper, then that’s where to begin.  Knowing where you want to end up, will offer you the freedom that leads to the end of your journey with utter satisfaction that you at least tried your best to reach this noble goal, (even if it doesn’t turn out quite like you hoped, which it rarely does). 

Perhaps the things you’ve been wanting are not coming because they are not in alignment with what is truly best for your family or your life?  Or you have some personal work to do to find your own understanding. May I add, YOU are important and worth fighting for. Things must be in alignment.

If this is important to you, reach out to me so we can create the healthy family of your dreams.

Please comment below with you experiences growing up. Things that you liked, that we can maybe try in our own families or, things that you would like to see changed, and  as always, please share this blog with you friends. We must work together for positive change and support eachother. 

Hi, I’m Dr. Brookh Lyons. I lead busy women and mothers, and a few relationship-focused men, to create the healthy family of their dreams, through videos, classes, groups and support. My services are designed to help you succeed, so you can have a positive impact on your family, and feel more confident in your parenting skills. Wherever you are in life, I want to help you build a life of choice, not chance. 

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