Numb = Unhappy
Sometimes we don't realize that we, ourselves, are blocking our own happiness. We want it so badly, "Why can't I just be happy?!" we scream out in the dark. It's okay, there is a way out. Let me share some of my journey, in hopes of helping you to realize that you are not alone. We need you.
Why was I numb?
For years I shoved my true feelings down inside of me. Too scared to say the wrong thing, or be misunderstood, I stayed silent and unloveable. I thought I was not enough. I could never be enough and when I'd try to change, I confirmed my worst fears with the failure of not succeeding.
The thought of being accepted simply for being me was ridiculous, so I made myself into who I thought they'd love and I succeeded, but my true -self hated the candied exterior and rebelled with building pressure. I wanted to break free, to be loved simply and purely, but as the pressure mounted it made me ugly. My forearms swole from the effort to hold everything together. My heart became heavy and unresponsive. My neck ached and my back hurt from carrying the burdensome load. Once in a while I would find release in a fury of painful words or horrible facial expressions that confirmed to my loved ones they were flawed. And so I was passing it on to my children.
Hurt? Oh my gosh. NO.
It was releasing! Once I saw the pain in my children's eyes, everything had to change and I knew it was up to me. I found my power first though them, then, eventually within me and day by day, I am reborn thanks to those kids!
How many times do we decided to change something in our lives, only to fail?
We get all revved up, “This time I’m doing it!”, we say, and we soon find ourselves right back where we started.
We don't mean to give up.
We don’t want to fail.
But we do, sometimes we fail over and over again, and it’s heartbreaking. Eventually we stop trying or we live in a perpetual existence of believing that, ‘life is hard’, ‘some people have all the luck or blessings’, ‘I wish I was this , that or the other thing ..’
‘It’s okay’, we tell ourselves, ‘I didn’t really want that anyway’, and we shrink back down from the greatness that was waiting on the other side. Numb.
Eventually, to some of us, numb even feels good. We get used to it because we don’t want to hurt anymore.
But, maybe numb isn’t numb at all?
Maybe numb is the very most painful thing that could ever happen to us?
Even though we want a life full of adventure and joy, when we believe it’s not for us, we create scenarios that prove we are right (we believe that negative thing about us IS true)… and we do things that lead to more failure.
But, WHAT IF use the emotion as rocket fuel to push us through doing what truly needs to be done? What if we actually look into the places we feel badly about instead of fearing them so we can let them go? What if, we challenge our feelings of failure and decide to use them as opportunities to connect with our own self so that we can truly connect with others? Go inside the candied exterior, peel away it's crusty layers to see how things are really going and what needs to change, you can change everything.
Or, what if we are so busy covering up what scares us that we don't even know what we really need to flourish and that alone is the real reason we cannot fully commit and succeed with the changes we desire most?
Today, I am asking you to allow “What If” to power your soul. Let it be the energy you need, to light up the dark places and decide whether they may in fact, be trying to serve you in finding your deepest needs? Have the courage to look inside, and decide whether they should really be holding you back, or if you can release them?
Yes. It is time. Everything is going to be okay.
Start writing (not typing).
What do you need? Write that and why you don't feel you already have it. There are clues to what will release you, but you have to be looking.
In the comments below, share with me where you’re struggling in finding what your really need, and why you are not there yet.
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About the Author: Dr. Brookh Lyons is a personal coach and author. She helps families decide what they really need, make their own path, and find the confidence to make steps toward the healthy family of their dreams. Follow the links for more of Brookh’s story, and to make an appointment. Dr. Brookh Lyons uses life experience to help us build a stronger foundation so that we can grow into everything we are intended to be. We are the change this world needs to heal. To participate in her community of kindness, join her at Willow Circle.
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You are important! Building your foundation will help you stand taller, jump higher and have a far less bumpy ride. Take this week to process, and take a step forward in creating the Healthy Family of your Dreams.