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Lesson 22: In my anger, I took a cleansing breathe, "I'm sorry ..."

My Spirit knows.

Dear Reader, Like you, I'm on a journey of listening to my heart more, finding & focussing on what's truly important to me and my family, and letting go of the fluff and sticky crap that weighs me down. These are the lessons I'm learning every day. I hope you can relate. Love Brookh

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When it feels badly.

Look there.

In my anger, I took a cleansing breathe, "I'm sorry. This is about me. You know that right?"

It’s amazing how the journey never ends. 

Being intentional in our actions, desiring to find our core and live in freedom can also mean feeling whatever comes up and honoring it whether it looks pretty or not.

Today I sent a bunch of private messages to people I care about, inviting them to support me in my new adventure.

I have been learning about online marketing for over 4 years and my knowledge is strong and grounded, but my soul is still catching up.

Sometimes I still honor the word of others over my own voice. I see that now and it is not serving me anymore. This situation with marketing was a HUGE milestone, let me explain; 

The common concept in today's marketing says that if we really want to connect with our audience, that we should speak to them in a way that they will receive us at our mutual pain point (terrible words right there). 

We are to recall and remember the words we would have used in moments when our pain felt unrelenting, so that we can connect there and presumeably be a beacon of hope.

“I used to be you and now I’m bright shiny penny!”

It’s smoke and mirrors. Temporary. None of us are everything. All of us will feel broken and have the opportunity to look inside the crack to learn that we are simply growing. Changing. I want to connect in that space, the depth of our beauty and our inner Creation.

Reconnecting with those bad memories, (they say) will help us connect on a deeper level, but that is only true if what hurt us is truly healed, and if pain is deeper than joy?

Is it really?

Or are they mutually important? Mutually necessary in the duality of our lives? 

Do you want to meet me and reminisce about a pile of shit we both fell into head-first, (which is fine, there is nothing to hide) or hold hands as we find the freedom to see that pile as compost, and necessary nourishment for our flourishing growth?

It’s the same pile of shit.

But it is NOT the same way to join in discovery, exploration and resolve.

I felt as if I’d been begging my loved ones for their affection, (by sending that private message), begging for their support. There was nothing wrong with my message, but this is an old wound from my childhood and it triggered me because it needed my attention as my outward success grows and my boundaries are shrinking. (Yes shrinking).

I felt awful and I became downright angry and bitter. Then one small thing went wrong and I blew up. 

In my anger, I took a cleansing breathe, "I'm sorry. This is about me. You know that right?" It isn’t easy to admit…

Wait. 

No that’s not true…(that comment was an auto-response I have used to hide the truth because it’s ugly).

It actually IS easy to admit because the truth is that I was being reminded of something that really hurt me, and I was still carrying it in some form. I am committed to being the guide along this journey with you but I can’t row the boat alone. We must row together and I won’t push you overboard to save myself from looking badly, leaving you to fend for yourself in the rough waters.  I won't keep you in my boat if you are making holes in it either.

I ask you to join me and row. To firmly grasp the shaft of your sturdy oar, like I do mine, and dig in deep and strong.

Row.

Row.

You know what the pain looks like.

It's a natural response to want to be away from that but how we see the world and what goes on around us is simply our perspective. Perspective can be altered. Our muscles are overworked sometimes. Some pain is the result of hard work and accomplishment.

If I fear the pain then I am holding success at arms length and I desire to welcome hope and success in to me by defining her nature and rowing my boat with a smile on my face, or a grimace as I row against the waves.

Instead of connection in our fear, I fully understand that we CAN connect on what we really want, and who we REALLY are.

We are strong powerful and beautiful women who are vibrantly seeking peace within ourselves in a busy world. 

Love in a dark place. 

Friendship where it’s cold. 

There was a time when I couldn’t accept NOT trying to ‘get’ everyone to benefit from my teachings, I couldn’t understand why only a handful of people were benefiting from my great worth… 

The truth is that I couldn’t have handled it. I was still too pained by my past. Pained by my thoughts and fears. I played small because I didn't see the big game. It's okay. Purposeful.

If you decide to travel along the river with me there will be times we coast and enjoy the scenery but there will also be times when the sky becomes dark and the water treacherous.

I have no control over that, nor do I want it because if I want to be free, I must allow you the same courtesy for your journey.

The email was another level of awareness. A gentle reminder from my Creator that I am a work in progress and I have great peace in that Truth.

It turns out that wanting (needing) the support of my friends is an old pattern that was begging to come out of the shadow and be seen, wanting to be felt and loved so that I can fully process it and release it.

I think Shrek, from the Shrek movies said it best; “Better out than In”.

The full truth is that I don’t actually need the support of my loved ones. My love for them is solitary, not dependent on their contribution. It’s time for me to stand by myself, alone, smiling at those around me without worrying about if they are going to catch me when I fall or whether they like the shape and color of my wings.

It’s time to leap, dear girl.

I may never land, but if I do, I will be on my own two feet.

Will you fly with me?

If you can relate or have something to share, reach out or let me know in the comments below. 

Love Brookh

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Hi! I'm Brookh - a wife, mother and life-adventurer who lost her way, and reset. As a Women's Empowerment coach I am committed to helping women like you to remember yourself and find your great value between work, volunteering and family-time so that you have deeper, more real, and long-lasting connection with your own needs and your loved-ones by doing what works best for your individual journey. Today reach for your dreams with purpose and direction.

Photo credit: Claire Madill, Heyday Designs

Learn more about Fine Lioness, Dr. Brookh Lyons HERE. She is a mother, wife, healer, coach and workshop instructor on a quest to walk up that mountain, lean over the edge and ROAR at the top of her lungs. It's time to figure stuff out and become the best darn people we can.

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